1.  Prematurely Accepting to be a Bridesmaid

The first time I was asked to be a bridesmaid, I wrapped my arms around the bride shook her back and forth with excitement and squealed, Yes, of course!  But on the car ride home from that magical moment, I realized I had no idea what I was getting myself into.

Being a bridesmaid is an official commitment to spend the next couple of months as a member of the bride’s entourage. Accompanying her to events, showering her with gifts, and answering your phone when she calls you at 2 am because she’s having a nervous breakdown over who will sit next to her Uncle Martin and Aunt Joelle, because half of the family has disowned them.

It’s a heavy combination of time and money, and just because you’re asked to be a bridesmaid – doesn’t mean you have to say yes. Do it only because: that person truly means a lot to you, you have the time and extra cash to do it right, and because you want to. Saying yes to something you truly don’t want to do is exhausting and harder than it should be – I learn this every time I force myself off the couch and on to the gym.

2. Bringing the wrong gift to the wrong place

There’s a wedding registry. There’s your checkbook. There’s that cute little personalized and bedazzled thing on Etsy.

When the wedding adventure first begins, map out each event that you plan on bringing a gift to (engagement party, bridal shower, bachelorette party, wedding). It’s common to buy something off the bride’s registry (or Etsy) for the engagement party and bridal shower, something funny and small for the bachelorette party, and something straight out of your bank account for the wedding.

3.  Not listening to the bride

When the bride says she wants a quiet and simple bachelorette party, somewhere with bottles of wine and cucumbers over her eyes – don’t go off and plan a night out at the hottest club in Las Vegas.

Listen to her: even if it’s not what you want to – or what you “think” she really wants.

4.  Not saving the drama for your mama

Planning a wedding is stressful, and even if you have a full team of a wedding planner and a professional bridesmaid, getting married is still scary and pressure filled and the bride has a lot on her mind.

So, if you’re not happy with the dress she picked  out or the time the bridal shower starts or how another one of the bridesmaids is treating you, save the drama for someone else. Chat about it with the maid of honor or another member of the bridal party.

5. Spending too much $$$

Yes, being a bridesmaid costs money. Sometimes more money than you’d like to actually spend – but it doesn’t have to. Set budget expectations early on with the entire wedding party. If you have to buy a certain dress – try to see if you can rent it or buy a used version. Skip alterations, if possible. Give the bride a DIY gift – instead of splurging on someone else’s DIY item on Etsy.

 Learn to say no to the things you truly can’t afford: the $90 updo on the day of the wedding, the $500 plane ticket to the bachelorette party in Vegas. As a bridesmaid, you don’t have to say yes to everything – especially if it drains your piggy bank. The bride (who is still your good friend or family member) has to understand that.

6. Leaving the essentials behind

Clean out the travel size toiletries section at CVS. Throw all those items into a tote bag or a fanny pack. They will come in  handy. They will save you feet,your mind, and your stress sweat from leaking out all over the place when the bride desperately needs eyelash glue or one of the bridesmaids needs to wrap her toes in Band Aids in order to walk down the aisle.

7. Speaking now or holding the peace

If the bride has asked you to speak at her wedding, tailor your speech to the venue and the event that you’re speaking at. If you’re speaking during her reception or at her rehearsal dinner, leave out the part about that one time, on your spring break cruise to Cozumel, where she spent 60% of the trip with her head nearby the toilet and the other 40% with her lips on a shot glass.

8. Shots, shots, shots, shots

Speaking of shots, leave them off your drink menu the night before the wedding. Waking up, hungover, when it’s your time to shine (aka the wedding day)won’t feel so pretty – or look so pretty – no amount of chiffon can hide your bloodshot eyes and throbbing headache.

9. Not ordering your bridesmaid dress until…

Unless you’re  getting your bridesmaid dress straight off the rack, bridesmaid dresses take time to orde. And just because you’re getting your bridesmaid dress off the rack, doesn’t mean if yousee it in September it’ll be waiting there for you when you need it in February.

Procrastinate too long on your dress and you’ll end up in Joanne’s fabric cutting yards of satin, trying to sow together a copy cat gown.

10. Wedding is done – so am I!

Just because the couple said I Do and you danced the Hora and the Macarana with them until 2 am, doesn’t mean your job  as a bridesmaid has come to a complete stop and you can exit your role.

You can, and should, exit out of your bridesmaid dress and toss it in your dry cleaning bag – because I’m sure by now it’s covered in sweat and other people’s sweat and I wouldn’t judge you if it was also covered in salad dressing or steak sauce or rum and coke – because hey, sometimes our clothes become one giant adult bib.

But, the days after the wedding, the bride may turn to you for help with picking out photos for her album, helping her sort through gifts and even just call you  at 2 am because she densest know what to do with her uncle Martin and Aunt Joelle who didn’t give her a gift after she gave their son $500.

11. Wearing Heels

Flats are your best friend. They will treat you so nicely and even if they are not allowed as your plus one at some moments of the wedding adventure, they’ll be there for you when you need them afterward. So invest in a cutepair of flats or even TOMs.

Because that dance floor is another word for the light at the end of your bridesmaid tunnel and it’s time for you to mark your spot all over it.

Have you tried to dance in heels? You’l look like you’re doing the wobble all night long and probably end up looking like someone’s grandpa who just got a hip replacement to match his 2013 knee replacement.