There are few phrases more exciting than “OMG, I’m engaged” floating in your eye from your BFF. Whether it’s over FaceTime, in-person, or writing in an all-caps text message, seconds after the question, and hopefully a bottle of champagne, has been popped.
Chances are you’ll feel like you just got engaged too, finding yourself shedding happy tears, jumping up and down in pure excitement, and perhaps even wondering what you should plan first for the upcoming wedding.
As a professional bridesmaid, whose job it is to often times be the “bridal party’s wrangler” making sure that the bride’s close friends are keeping calm and not creating chaos, I’ve seen bridesmaids and maid-of-honors over-stress the bride by trying to do too much for her and the wedding in the first few weeks of the engagement.
That’s why it’s important to take a step back so that you don’t suffocate your friend with requests, tasks, and even too much pre-wedding stress, since it was only seconds, days or weeks ago that she just verbally agreed to enter wedding planning chaos with the love of their lives, and of course you, their number one pal.
So hide the new Pinterest board you created, refrain from sending over a spreadsheet of potential vendors, and press pause on sending selfies of you in bridesmaid dresses, for right now. While you’re at it, take note of these 4 things not to do when you hear the news that your BFF is engaged.
- Become Her Wedding Planner
Having a friend who is all about wedding planning can be quite the blessing for any bride-to-be, especially because they’ll appreciate being able to turn to someone for advice and vent sessions, but before you put on the wedding planner hat, ask the bride what kind of help she needs and even what you can do to make the wedding planning flow smoother. Before doing anything, always ask first, so that you don’t step on anyone’s toes.
- Make too Many Promises
When you hear the news that your friend is going to say I Do, you may find yourself so overwhelmed with excitement that you agree to doing too much at once. Before you have a chance to take a deep breathe, you may have promised to be the best maid-of-honor in the world, fly once a month to do wedding tasks with her back in your hometown, and take care of all the bridal tasks yourself. Try not to agree to everything or make false promises off the bat just because you’re thrilled, beyond words, for your friend.
- Assume You’re the Maid-of-Honor
You may have dreamed of being this particular friend’s maid-of-honor for years, but before you tell everyone you know, or write it on Facebook, that you’re the MOH, wait for the bride to ask.
- Give the Bride Reasons to Stress
You may want to warn the bride that she should set a date and book a venue ASAP, but remember that there really shouldn’t be a rush to make those decision in the first month of being engaged. Let the couple sulk in joy for a little bit before then offering to drive around to venues until the bride finds one that sparks her attention and you find one that a good enough dance floor so you can bust out your favorite moves all night long.
Jen Glantz is the author of the new book Always a Bridesmaid (For Hire) and the founder of the head-turning business, Bridesmaid for Hire. She can often be spotted wearing old bridesmaid dresses to the grocery store or on first dates. You can follow her adventure here.