Your bachelorette party should truly be a weekend that’s filled with endless photographs, life-long inside jokes, and enough shots of tequila that just the smell of that liquid is enough to remind you of your last fling before the ring. But above all of that, your bachelorette party should be what you want it to be, though it’s never quite that simple. Even if you say, sometimes, you want something simple and low key, you may end up finding that your bridal party is taking you to a nightclub followed by a private after party that includes an uninvited guest, a stripper.

So how do you may sure this cringe worthy moment doesn’t happen, if you don’t want it to happen, without stepping on your bridesmaid’s toes? You make it very clear, to start. Let them know that you are ready for a fun time but you would rather them not waste their money on a stripper and that you really don’t feel comfortable with the idea of a guy in a thong invading their very personal space.

Sometimes they will listen to this but not believe you or decide to plan this anyway, thinking it’s what you really want. That’s why it doesn’t hurt to have a plan b and to come to the table prepared that their initial response will be one of disbelief.

The other thing you can do is give them a couple of examples of what you would rather do instead. Try not to plan the bachelorette party for them, but instead give them hints of ideas of what your ideal party would look like. Even if you’re unsure, a couple of ideas are better than nothing. Do a little research on bachelorette party alternative and see which ones fit your style and your standards much better.