Being a bridesmaid can be a lot of fun, but it can be a whole lot of work. It’s draining on your budget, your free time, and even your nerves.

Sure, it’s the role of a lifetime, but the fourth time you’re asked to do it, you begin to realize that you do not have to say yes to the bride or the bridesmaid dress.

So if you’re finding that the bride is no longer one of your close friends or your life is a little bit messy at the moment and you can’t commit to the funds or the fun of being by her side through the wedding adventure, here are six modern ways to utter off the big N-O to her “will you be my bridesmaid?” question.

 

1. Write in 140 Characters or Less

When you’re delivering the news that you can’t be her bridesmaid, keep it concise. Don’t drown the bride with a list of excuses or reasoning because in the end, it will feel like a punch in the gut. Write out what you’re going to say and see if it can fit in just one tweet.

 

2. Send it in an Email

Just don’t hit replay all to the bride’s email chain that she sent to all the other bridesmaids. If you live far away from the bride or don’t feel you’re that close, explain yourself over an email.

 

3. Order a Venti Espresso First

Meet for coffee and tell her the news face-to-face. Often times, sitting across from each other is easier than breaking the news via email. It will give both of you a solid closure and even help keep the friendship together.

 

4. Explain Yourself Over a Mani

Saying no to being a bridesmaid doesn’t have to feel like you’re entering a warzone. Ask the bride out for an afternoon of girl time and tell her your reasons and why you just can’t accept the role.

 

5. Do it With a Bottle of Wine

Go out for happy hour and break the news over a bottle of wine. It’s hard to get mad at someone when you’re enjoying half priced drinks and appetizers.

 

6. Say it Over FaceTime

Instead of doing a regular phone call, FaceTime or Skype with the bride. It may seem awkward at first to break the news over your camera, but it is more personal this way.