Funny Best Man Speech: How to Roast the Groom Without Getting Disowned

Hi, Friend! Jen Glantz here. I’m a bestselling author, the first ever bridesmaid for hire and have written over 1000 wedding speeches for people all around the world. Let’s talk about how to write a funny best man speech.

So, you’ve been tapped as Best Man. Congrats. Now comes the panic. You’re here because you need a speech that kills, not one that dies a slow, painful death in front of 150 people. Whether you’re staring at a blank page or you’ve got a draft that just feels… off, we’ve got you covered. If the thought of holding that microphone makes you want to bolt for the exit, you aren’t alone. Actually, Glossophobia (speech anxiety) is the UK’s third-biggest fear, ranking right behind snakes and heights. So if you’re sweating, congratulations—you’re normal.

The goal here is simple: craft a funny best man speech that leaves everyone laughing for the right reasons, not cringing into their champagne.

Quick Resources

• Generate a speech draft fast with the Best Man Speech Generator

• Explore speeches, vows, and planning help in All Wedding Tools

If you’re feeling totally lost on what your actual job is before you even get to the jokes, check out our best man speech guide. It covers the etiquette and structure so you don’t look like a rookie.

TL;DR

Look, we know you might be reading this in the Uber on the way to the rehearsal dinner. If you don’t have time for the deep dive, here are the absolute essentials to keep you from crashing and burning.

• The “Grandmother Test.” If you wouldn’t say it to his 85-year-old Nana, cut it. Seriously.

• Structure saves you. Have a beginning, middle, and end. Don’t just ramble.

• Roast yourself first. If you make fun of yourself, the crowd will let you make fun of the groom.

• Two drinks max. Alcohol ruins your timing. Save the heavy stuff for the dance floor.

• No exes. Ever. This is the only rule with zero exceptions. Don’t do it.

• We can help. If you’re truly stuck, Bridesmaid for Hire has tools and coaching to bail you out.

The Best Man Survival Checklist

• [ ] Printed copy of the speech (phones die/lock/glare).

• [ ] Water glass at the table (dry mouth is real).

• [ ] Mic check completed before guests arrive.

• [ ] Know where the Groom’s parents are sitting (so you can look at them).

• [ ] Kill all “inside jokes” that nobody else gets.

• [ ] Time it (aim for 5-7 minutes, tops).

The Fine Line Between Hilarious and Horrifying

Writing a humorous best man speech is less about telling jokes and more about reading the room. You want to entertain the guests and honor your buddy, not humiliate him into an annulment. It’s a balancing act. You have to calibrate your humor for a room that holds his college frat brothers and his conservative Great Aunt Linda.

Get a clean, crowd-safe draft started with the Best Man Speech Generator

It is incredibly easy to cross the line. Before you lock in your draft, skim through these common best man speech blunders to make sure you aren’t accidentally stepping into a minefield.

Know Your Audience

Look around the room—mentally, at least—before you write a single word. A joke that kills at the bachelor party will likely bomb at the reception. You’re playing to the whole crowd, not just the groom.

Tailor jokes for mixed crowds using the Best Man Speech Generator

And hey, 59.5% of men admit to being nervous about public speaking. If you feel like everyone is staring at you… well, they are. But half the guys in the room would be terrified to be in your shoes, so you’ve already got their respect.

The Grandmother Test

Here is the golden rule: Look the groom’s eighty-year-old grandmother in the eye (in your imagination) and say your joke. If the thought makes you sweat? Cut it. This filter effectively removes the graphic stories, the past flings, and that one time in Vegas that is legally sealed.

The Inside Joke Trap

You and the groom know why “The Incident at Arby’s” is hilarious. The other 150 guests? They have no clue. Relying on inside jokes alienates the audience. If you have to explain the punchline, it’s not funny. Either give them the context or drop it for something universal.

The Roast vs. Toast Spectrum

A funny best man speech is usually a roast that turns into a toast. The trick is poking fun at the groom’s quirks without attacking his character or making the bride uncomfortable. You want the audience laughing with him, not just at him.

Feature	The Roast (Comedy)	The Toast (Sentiment)
Primary Goal	Poke fun, reveal quirks, entertain.	Honor the couple, wish them well.
Target	The Groom (mostly).	The Couple (equally).
Tone	Cheeky, playful, self-deprecating.	Sincere, warm, hopeful.
Placement	Beginning and Middle.	The absolute End.
Risk Level	High (don’t be mean).	Low (hard to mess up being nice).

Balance roast and sentiment automatically with the Best Man Speech Generator

The Power of Self-Deprecation

Want to earn the right to roast the groom? Roast yourself first. It lowers the tension and proves you aren’t just being arrogant. Admitting you’re nervous or that you’re a terrible public speaker gets the crowd on your side immediately.

The Compliment Sandwich

Structure your “attacks” between layers of genuine praise. For every embarrassing story about his questionable fashion sense, bookend it with comments about his loyalty or how lucky he is to have found his partner. It softens the blow.

Absolute Avoidance of Ex-Partners

There is no nuance here: never mention ex-girlfriends. Even if you think you have a funny angle, the risk isn’t worth it. It creates awkwardness for the bride and ruins the vibe faster than a dropped cake.

Mentioning past relationships is just one of the 8 things a best man shouldn’t do. Read the list. Memorize the list.

Some people try to break this rule, and it’s usually a disaster. A video recently went viral where “the best man Dylan revealed that he and the bride were originally an item”. The crowd laughed because they knew the context, but for 99% of weddings? That is a grenade you do not want to pull the pin on.

The “Write a Funny Best Man Speech” Blueprint

A great speech needs a skeleton. Without structure, you’re just a guy with a mic rambling while people’s food gets cold. Here is the narrative arc to take the audience from laughter to “aww.”

Turn this structure into a real speech using the Best Man Speech Generator

The “Fill-in-the-Blank” Cheat Sheet

1. The Icebreaker: “Good evening. I’m [Name], the [Relation]. I’m nervous because [Self-deprecating joke].”

2. The Connection: “I’ve known [Groom] for [Number] years. We met at [Place], and my first thought was [Funny first impression].”

3. The Roast (Story 1): “There was this one time [Groom] tried to [Activity] and ended up [Funny Failure].”

4. The Pivot (The Partner): “But then he met [Partner]. I knew it was serious when [Change in Groom’s behavior].”

5. The Sincerity: “[Partner], thank you for making him [Better quality]. You look stunning tonight.”

6. The Toast: “Please raise your glasses. To [Couple]!”

Using this funny best man speech template will keep you on the rails.

The Opening Hook

The first 30 seconds are do-or-die. You need a strong opening line that grabs them. Don’t waste this time with generic pleasantries.

Subverting the Introduction

Instead of a dry “I’m the best man,” use the intro to crack a joke. Try: “I’m the best man, a title I’ve given myself, though the groom refers to me as ‘the only guy who said yes.'” It sets the tone instantly.

Addressing the Elephant

If you’re nervous, short, drunk, or single—call it out. If the wedding is incredibly fancy and you feel like an imposter in a tux, make that the joke. Honesty breeds comedy and disarms the crowd.

The Narrative Arc

This is the meat of the speech. You need 2-3 short, punchy stories. Keep them tight and focused on the theme of his personality.

The “How We Met” Roast

Briefly explain your relationship with the groom, focusing on a funny first impression. Did he have a terrible haircut? Was he the weird kid in the dorm? Contrast that past version of him with the man standing there today.

A great example of this: a groomsman named Sean roasted his sister Lindsey by noting that “Lindsay’s first word to him was ‘sabotage,’ and as she got older, she learned how to provoke him and get away with it”. Specific, funny, and affectionate.

The Transformation Arc

Highlight how the groom was a mess before the partner came along. This compliments the partner while teasing the groom’s inability to function as an adult on his own. It frames the marriage as a saving grace.

Pivoting to the Partner

Midway through, stop talking about the groom and talk about the partner. Joke about their patience or sainthood for agreeing to marry him. This signals the move toward the sentimental finish.

The Closing Sentiment

You cannot end on a joke; you must end on a wish. The transition from funny to serious needs to be clear. This is the “landing the plane” moment.

The Final Toast

Raise your glass. The final words should be standard, timeless, and sincere. No jokes here—just health, wealth, and happiness. This tells everyone it’s time to drink and clap.

Mining for Comedy Gold

Writer’s block is real. But you don’t have to suffer through it alone. Here is where to find funny best man speech ideas when your brain is empty.

Generate joke-ready material with the Best Man Speech Generator

If you’re struggling, check out our list of hilarious wedding speech jokes. Adapt them, steal them, make them yours.

Sourcing Material

Don’t rely just on your memory. You need to investigate. Digging into the past often yields better results than trying to invent humor from scratch.

Interviewing Other Friends

Ask the other groomsmen for their stories. You might have forgotten the time he got stuck in a window in college, but they haven’t. Collect the data.

Targeting Obsessions and Quirks

Specificity is funny. A joke about his generic “laziness” is boring; a joke about how he has an Excel spreadsheet for his sock rotation is funny. Drill down into his weird hobbies.

Instead of saying “John is cheap,” try: “John is the only man I know who brings a calculator to the grocery store to calculate the price per ounce of cheddar cheese, and then argues with the cashier over two cents.”

Using Quotes Effectively

If you aren’t naturally funny, borrow wit. The trick is contextualizing quotes so it doesn’t feel like you just Googled “wedding quotes.”

Subverting Classic Wisdom

Take a traditional marriage quote and ruin it. “Marriage is not just about finding the right person, it’s about being the right person… who admits they are wrong even when they are right.”

Pop Culture Analogies

Compare the couple to a famous (dysfunctional) fictional couple. Or quote a movie line that sounds profound but is actually ridiculous when applied to the groom.

The Misattribution Joke

Read a beautiful, poetic quote about love, and then attribute it to someone absurd, like a WWE wrestler or a convicted felon. The contrast always gets a laugh.

Delivery Dynamics

You can write a speech that is Pulitzer-worthy, but if you mumble it into your chest, it will tank. Here is how to handle the nerves and the mic.

Keep it concise. Data suggests that a good wedding speech lasts around 7 minutes. Go longer, and you risk annoying the catering staff who are waiting to serve the steak.

Mastering Timing

Comedy lives in the silence. Rushing through punchlines is the rookie mistake. Breathe. Let the joke land.

Waiting for the Laughter

When you tell a joke, stop. Wait. Let them laugh. If you start talking while they are laughing, you kill the momentum. Trust the silence.

Pivot Capability

If a joke falls flat, acknowledge it. Saying “Wow, that sounded better in the shower this morning” is usually funnier than the original joke anyway. Be flexible.

Handling the Nerves

Your hands will shake. Your heart will race. It’s biology. Here is how to deal with it.

Using Props

Holding a cue card or a prop gives your hands something to do. It anchors you.

Try this prop comedy: “I have here a set of keys to [Groom]’s apartment that he gave to various women over the years. If anyone here has a key, please bring it up.” (Have 5-6 planted guests, including a grandma, walk up and drop keys in a bowl). Classic.

The Two-Drink Maximum

Dutch courage is a lie. Alcohol slurs speech and kills timing. Limit yourself to one or two drinks before the speech. Party after the toast.

Drinks Consumed	Effect on Speech Performance
0 Drinks	Sharp, focused, slightly nervous.
1 Drink	Relaxed, confident.
2 Drinks	The “Sweet Spot” (STOP HERE).
3 Drinks	Slurring begins, timing slips.
4+ Drinks	Disaster zone. Angry bride territory.

Visual Rehearsal

Don’t just read it in your head. Read it out loud, standing up. Your mouth needs to get used to the words so you don’t stumble.

Mic Technique

Hold the mic close to your mouth—like an ice cream cone you’re about to lick. If they can’t hear you, they can’t laugh. And never drop the mic. It’s expensive and rude.

Crisis Management

Be prepared for the unexpected so you don’t freeze.

Handling Interruptions

If a drunk uncle yells something out, smile and agree. “He’s right, folks!” and move on. Do not debate a heckler.

If someone yells “We can’t hear you!”, respond with “That’s okay, I’m just reading the groom’s credit card details anyway.” Gets a laugh, buys you time to fix the mic.

How Bridesmaid for Hire Can Save Your Speech

The pressure to be funny, sentimental, and charismatic all at once is heavy. You might be staring at a blank page, wondering how to summarize a 10-year friendship without mentioning the stuff that is definitely off-limits. That’s where we step in. We have over 100 AI wedding tools designed to generate speeches, vows, and toasts. Beyond the tech, Jen Glantz provides professional coaching to refine your jokes, edit for the “Grandmother Test,” and fix your delivery.

Create a full draft in minutes with the Best Man Speech Generator

If you want to use technology to get started right now, you can create a best man speech with AI using our tools. It generates a draft in seconds so you have something to work with.

Final Thoughts

Giving a funny best man speech is a big responsibility, but it’s also a privilege. You set the tone for the night. Follow these rules, and you’ll give the groom a memory he’ll actually want to keep. Take a deep breath, trust your prep, and try to have fun with it.