Hi, Friend! Jen Glantz here. I’m a bestselling author, the first ever bridesmaid for hire and have written over 1000 wedding speeches for people all around the world. Let’s talk about best man speech jokes.
Being the best man is a huge honor, but it also means you gotta give a killer speech. And what’s the key to an epic best man speech? Best man speech jokes.
In this mega-guide, we’re serving up 100 of the best jokes to use in your best man speech, broken down into different categories so you can find the perfect fit for your style and the happy couple. Whether you wanna keep it light, poke a little fun, get sentimental, or even roast yourself, we’ve got you covered.
How to Select the Perfect Jokes for Your Best Man Speech
Choosing the right jokes for your best man speech is essential to ensure that your humor is well-received and adds to the overall atmosphere of the celebration.
For more inspiration, check out our curated Best Man Speech Examples that show how jokes and heartfelt moments can work perfectly together.
Consider the following criteria when selecting jokes for your speech:
Audience Appropriateness
When choosing jokes, it’s crucial to keep your audience in mind. Make sure that your humor is appropriate for all ages and backgrounds. Avoid jokes that could be offensive, discriminatory, or vulgar. Remember, you want your jokes to bring people together, not make anyone feel uncomfortable or excluded.
Example: Instead of a risqué joke about the couple’s intimate life, opt for a lighthearted joke about their shared love for a particular hobby or their playful banter.
Personalization
The best jokes are often those that are tailored to the couple’s unique personalities, experiences, and inside jokes. Use your knowledge of the groom and your shared memories to craft jokes that are specific to him and his relationship with the bride. This personal touch will make your humor more meaningful and memorable.
Example: “I remember when [Groom] first met [Bride]. He came home with the biggest smile on his face and said, ‘I think I’ve found the one.’ And I said, ‘The one what? The one person who laughs at your terrible jokes?’ Turns out, I was right!”
Timing and Delivery
The success of a joke often depends on when and how it’s delivered. When selecting jokes for your speech, consider where they fit best in the overall flow of your message. Some jokes work well as openers, while others are better suited for transitions or closing remarks. Additionally, practice your timing and delivery to ensure that your jokes land as intended.
Example: Open your speech with a joke that sets the tone and grabs the audience’s attention: “I’ve been friends with [Groom] for years, and I’ve learned two important things: first, he’s a terrible cook, and second, he’s an even worse dancer. [Bride], you’ve got your work cut out for you!”
When choosing jokes, be mindful of sensitive topics and personal boundaries. Avoid jokes that touch on past relationships, financial issues, or deeply personal insecurities. Your goal is to keep the atmosphere light and celebratory, not to embarrass or offend anyone.
Example: Instead of making a joke about the groom’s past dating failures, focus on his positive qualities and how they make him a great match for the bride: “[Groom] has always been the most loyal and supportive friend anyone could ask for. [Bride], you’re lucky to have him by your side, and I know he feels the same way about you.”
By carefully considering these criteria when selecting jokes for your best man speech, you’ll be able to create a humorous and heartfelt tribute that celebrates the couple and leaves a lasting impression on everyone in attendance.
“For those who don’t know me, I’m the best man. For those who do know me, I apologize in advance.”
“I’ve been so nervous about this speech that I haven’t been able to properly enjoy the past eight glasses of champagne.”
“They say public speaking is one of people’s biggest fears, right after death. Which means that right now, most of you would rather be in the casket than giving this speech.”
“When [Groom] asked me to be his best man, I was thrilled. When he asked me to keep it clean, I was devastated.”
“I’ve been told to keep this speech like a mini-skirt: long enough to cover the essentials, but short enough to keep everyone’s attention.”
“They say marriage is when a man loses his bachelor’s degree and earns a master’s.”
“[Bride] and [Groom] are such a perfect match – she’s Facebook, and he’s Twitter because she’s got all the pictures and he’s got all the unnecessary updates.”
“Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning, all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end, you wish you had a club and a spade.”
“They say opposites attract. Well, [Groom] is smart, handsome, and successful… so that explains it.”
“Looking at these two, I finally understand what people mean by ‘relationship goals’ – they both have incredibly low standards.”
“Planning this wedding was like watching [Groom] trying to solve a Rubik’s cube – lots of confusion, some tears, and eventually letting someone else do it.”
“I heard the wedding planning was stressful, but [Groom] handled it like a champ – he agreed with everything [Bride] said.”
“Apparently, [Groom] was very involved in the wedding planning. He personally selected the ‘Yes, dear’ option for everything.”
“They say the wedding day is all about the bride. The groom is just the guy who got the best supporting actor nomination.”
“[Groom] spent more time choosing his fantasy football team than picking out the wedding cake. Priorities, am I right?”
“They say the secret to a happy marriage is to never go to bed angry. Stay up and plot your revenge instead.”
“Marriage is like a fine wine – it gets better with age, costs a fortune, and gives you a headache.”
“Remember, [Groom], marriage is a workshop where the husband works and the wife shops.”
“A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person. In [Groom’s] case, that might be challenging given his attention span.”
“Marriage is like a walk in the park… Jurassic Park.”
“[Bride] and [Groom’s] relationship is like WiFi – invisible but essential, and it doesn’t work if there are too many walls between them.”
“Their first date was like Amazon Prime – quick delivery and exceeded expectations.”
“Their love story is like Netflix – they started with a free trial and ended up with a lifetime subscription.”
“Their relationship status has gone from ‘Single’ to ‘In a Relationship’ to ‘Engaged’ to ‘Married.’ The only thing that’s updated more frequently is [Groom’s] iPhone.”
“They’re so perfect together, even their phone batteries die at the same time.”
A successful best man speech should aim for a joke density that keeps the audience engaged without feeling forced. Here’s how to strike the right balance:
3-minute speech: 3-4 jokes (one joke per minute)
5-minute speech: 5-7 jokes (slightly more than one per minute)
7-minute speech: 7-9 jokes (maintaining momentum while avoiding joke fatigue)
10-minute speech: 8-12 jokes (spacing them out more to maintain impact)
For maximum impact, structure your jokes following this proven pattern:
Opening Hook (0-30 seconds)
Start with your strongest self-deprecating or groom-related joke
Example: “For those who don’t know me, I’m [Name], [Groom’s] best man. For those who do know me, I apologize in advance.”
Early Section (1-2 minutes)
Include 1-2 jokes about your friendship with the groom
Example: “I’ve known [Groom] since college. Back then, his idea of fine dining was eating ramen noodles with a fork instead of straight from the packet.”
Middle Section (2-4 minutes)
2-3 jokes about the couple’s relationship
Space these between heartfelt moments
Example: “Their first date was like Amazon Prime – quick delivery and exceeded expectations.”
Final Section (4-5 minutes)
1-2 lighter jokes leading to the toast
Example: “To summarize their love story: he swiped right, she took a chance, and now they’re stuck with each other… I mean, blessed to have found each other.”
Timing Considerations
Leave 15-20 seconds for audience reaction after each joke
Factor in natural pauses and transitions
Include buffer time for unexpected reactions or interruptions
“I’ve seen [Groom] through many changes in life, but none as positive as meeting [Bride].”
Rather than a joke of private matter jokes, try:
“Their love is like a good WiFi connection – invisible but essential, and it doesn’t work if there are too many walls between them.”
Instead of controversial topics, try:
“Their relationship is like a good book – engaging, full of character development, and worth sharing with others.”
Instead of personal habit jokes, try:
“Marriage is like a smartphone – it works best when you update regularly and avoid dropping it.”
Emergency Joke Fixes
If you realize a joke might be inappropriate, here’s how to pivot:
The Callback Switch
Replace risky personal stories with general observations
Example: Instead of “Remember when you were always late?” try “They’re so in sync now, even their phone batteries die at the same time.”
The Universal Upgrade
Transform specific situations into relatable experiences
Example: Instead of detailed dating history, try “Their love story is like a good Netflix series – it just keeps getting better with each episode.”
The Positive Spin
Turn potentially negative observations into compliments
Example: Instead of teasing about habits, try “He’s so dedicated to [Bride], he even learned to fold laundry – and only shrunk three sweaters in the process.”
Jokes play a crucial role in a best man speech as they help to break the ice, engage the audience, and create a lighthearted atmosphere. A well-placed joke can also help to balance the emotional aspects of the speech and make it more memorable for the couple and their guests.
2. How many jokes should I include in my best man speech?
The number of jokes you include in your best man speech should be proportional to the length of your speech. A general rule of thumb is to have one to two jokes per minute of speaking time. For example, if your speech is five minutes long, aim to include between five and ten jokes. However, remember that quality is more important than quantity.
3. What types of jokes should I avoid in my best man speech?
When selecting jokes for your best man speech, avoid any humor that is offensive, discriminatory, overly vulgar, or mean-spirited. Steer clear of jokes that target specific individuals, religions, races, or genders. Additionally, refrain from using jokes that are too personal or embarrassing, as they may make the couple or audience uncomfortable.
4. How can I ensure that my jokes are funny and well-received?
To ensure your jokes are funny and well-received, consider your audience and the couple’s sense of humor. Choose jokes that are relatable and appropriate for the setting. Avoid inside jokes that only a few people will understand, as this can leave the majority of the audience feeling left out. Practice your delivery and timing to make sure your jokes land as intended.
5. Should I test my jokes before the actual speech?
Yes, it’s highly recommended to test your jokes before delivering your best man speech. Share your speech with a few trusted friends or family members and gauge their reactions. This will help you determine which jokes work well and which ones may need to be tweaked or removed. Testing your jokes will also give you an opportunity to practice your delivery and timing.
6. How can I incorporate jokes seamlessly into my best man speech?
To incorporate jokes seamlessly into your best man speech, use them as a way to break the ice, transition between topics, or highlight specific points about the couple. Ensure that the jokes flow naturally with the rest of your speech and don’t feel forced or out of place. Remember to balance humor with sincerity to create a well-rounded and memorable speech.
You can also review Best Man Speech Examples to see how other groomsmen have naturally woven jokes into heartfelt speeches.
7. What if I’m not naturally funny? Can I still include jokes in my best man speech?
Even if you don’t consider yourself naturally funny, you can still include jokes in your best man speech. Research and collect jokes from various sources, such as online resources, books, or even by asking friends and family for suggestions. Remember to tailor the jokes to the couple and the audience, and practice your delivery to ensure they come across as intended. If you’re still unsure, consider seeking help from a professional speechwriter or humor expert.
Crafting an unforgettable best man speech takes a mix of humor, sentiment, and personalization. Use the guidelines and jokes in this guide to deliver a speech they’ll be talking about for years. Remember, practice makes perfect, and don’t be afraid to get some professional help if you need it.
Know your audience to ensure the best man speech jokes are appropriate
Personalize jokes to make them more relatable and memorable
Balance humor with heartfelt moments for a well-rounded speech
Practice your delivery to ensure confidence and timing
Giving a best man speech is an honor and a chance to celebrate the happy couple. With the right jokes, a good balance of humor and heart, and some practice, you can give a speech that’ll leave a lasting impression. And if you need a hand, Bridesmaid for Hire is always here to help.